I was riding the bus somewhere in Queens, where my destination was just as unclear as my location was. I was sitting above a woman, who happened to have her phone out. I am a very nosy person, so of course I looked down and glimpse at what she was doing. Suddenly the words that appeared on her
phone “I am engaged” caught my attention. I really should learn to mind my own business, but it wasn’t the words that provoked me to continue reading, it was her instant reaction.
Suddenly, the unknown woman began to cry. It was one of those cries where she tried to hide behind her shades so no one notice. But the way she used her napkin to clean the corners of her eyes and the way she sniffled quietly, it was obvious that the news of an engagement was not a happy one. I continued to not mind my own business.
The woman proceeded to tell her friends on a group chat that this man was now engaged and how “happy she was” for him. Her friends reacted by saying things your friends normally would “by who?” “no way” and my favorite, “how do you know?” She responded all the questions and added that she couldn’t shake the “shitty feeling” that creeped on her from receiving the news she claims to be “happy” about. Apparently, this man was a past lover from 2008, whom she dated and it just didn’t work out.
Out of nowhere, like lightning warning before a strong and brutal storm, this awful feeling came over me. What if i’m looking at myself a few years from now? What if this women was me, crying at the news of a past lover being engaged, while I find myself riding the Q58 alone on a friday afternoon? What if I can’t shake the past and leave it where it belongs?
My thoughts were both selfish and frightening. I stopped worrying about this woman’s current situation and instead made it my own. I created a world for myself that has yet to happen and began to feel scared and nervous for my own future. brought myself back to reality and instead, I placed myself in her shoes. What would I want if someone who did not know me, knew so much about me for being nosy?
Then, I prayed. A very small prayer for the universe to hear. Instead of saying “God I hope that’s never me,” I said “God, I hope she finds hope.” And I mean it. I hope that she takes this, cries it out, yells it out, curses every past lover for her lost of faith in the opposite sex, and when she’s done doing all that, I hope she takes life by the horns.
I hope she rebuilds herself and that she realizes that the universe is working its magic to save her something she truly deserves. I hope she finds hope in love, the universe, men, but more importantly, herself.
And then I hoped the same for me.
-Yes
insidemymind20 