I am a huge Gossip Girl fan. But seriously, I mean HUGE. Just like any Gossip Girl fan, I am team Blair and Chuck. If you’ve never watched the show, Chuck and Blair are the two most conniving, self centered, revenge seeking characters in the show, who also happen to love no one but each other. In one of the many break up episodes, Chuck tells Blair that she is holding on to the pain of their break up “because it is all we have left.”
This quote never resonated with me until today, when I came across it after such a long time. “We hold on to pain because it is all we have left.” I realized that Chuck was 100% correct. Pain, a feeling just as strong as love, is so easy to hold on to after the love is gone, not because we are hurt, or mad, or even sad. Pain is so easy to hold on to because after pain, comes relief and with relief comes healing, and once we have healed, all we have left is a scar.
Consider this lovely metaphor (which also happens to be a true story). A hot glue gun falls on your leg. Out of no where, with no warning, no sign that this gun is about to fall on your lap, it just simply falls. You’re hurt, you cry, you might even curse out the gun for stabbing you in the back the way it did (true story everyone). But once that gun has been lifted from your leg, you feel relief. It has finally come off and you now know the burn will stop. You apply ointment, some cold water, and although you’re still angry, you begin to feel a little better. A week or two later, it’s a scab, causing no more pain, anger, or fear to ever use another glue gun again. But whenever you look down on your leg, there remains the scar. A gentle reminder that shit happens and hot glue guns sometimes burn you.
Have I not pulled off the glue gun from my leg, the scar would be much bigger causing much more pain than anticipated. This is what holding on feels like. It feels like holding the hot glue gun to your lap because you’re scared of fixing the damage it caused. You’re even more scared of forgetting it ever happened.
Chuck was right. Blair held on to that pain because she was too scared to fix the damage left behind, but even worse, she was more scared of forgetting the person who caused it. She was scared of leaving it behind.
I still have the scars of every hot item to ever burn me; Iron curlers, hot glue guns, and even ex boyfriends (subs). I’ve applied ointment, cold water, even some ice to heal it, and even though the pain is gone, the scar remains. Although i’m scared to let go of the pain because it is all that we have left, I will never forget it. The pain is almost gone, but your reminder remains.
-Yes
insidemymind20 